Something has been amputated from my body. I try to explain and it makes me sound like a teenager with no real sense of the world around him. I appreciate that. Your sense of the world. How flippant it all is to you. Since at the end of it all, you use this limb that’s been amputated from me all the time. This muscle that is rotted and torn, you almost wish it didn’t exist, since you take it for granted, you use it’s power and sway to your advantage.
I’ve seen you in the center of your world, listening to music that I can’t comprehend. I drown in the sex of it all. You dance in heat, as do most them. I don’t see how you can sleep at night, knowing your children learn the lyrics to these songs and yet how jealous I am that you are able to breath under water, I come up for air every two or three seconds. I am the special needs whale, unable to breed, there will only be one of me, my limb has been amputated and you laugh at me, more so, you rage at me for wanting what is regular and simple for you. You call me childish when you are all in the kindergarten with me. Yet I am the special needs boy who took the pill and instead of enjoying it, I questioned the legitimacy of the feeling it gave me.
How disgusting it all is, to be the one who speaks. How joyous it must be to look like you. To just say some bullshit and jump under covers and hump. I saw someone turn their seat. It was an interesting moment because I thought for a moment if about who had rejected who and then I remembered about my amputation and that whatever could follow would be dissatisfying. I would have had to come up for air anyhow.