Scrapt in depth I

Thoughts from the perspective of the yet unnamed artist

In the moment of performance, there are two things that happen. At first I’m looking for beats, physical actions and thoughts that help me navigate the scene. Words trigger me into finding moment. When I know those moments by heart I can find a rhythm and that’s when I can become that person. Okay slip up a line but I know what that person would say instead, how that person feels and depending on the type of performance, may go with that.
I can focus on that emotion and that situation so hard that I may slip and reveal something about my self and in this particular moment I did. It’s not that I long for anyone. Anyone I may have longed for fucked up enough for me to know my path is the right one. But those feelings linger. Those people and all that messy, complicated bullshit lingers. I want to know what it means, especially when it means nothing because when something meaningless lingers, it says something about me.
Some girls like to say, “I’m confused” or “I just want closure.” But I know better, what I thought was right yesterday may not be right today. I know that the way I saw life before it changed is what gives these meaningless entanglements gravitas. And it’s not confusing, it’s difficult to let go, to admit that it’s all just trash that hasn’t been compacted. It’s been recycled and mangled and changed into something new and that’s how we develop as people, that’s how we grow and the greatest thing we are capable is growing. I think, I am just human after all.

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