Side note – girls/Central note a woman.

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Fall 2013

Ever wonder if you’ll meet the right one? Well you should, as much as possible because honestly, you’ll probably never meet them and as soon as you realize that, the sooner you can start learning about the real you inside. It’s a little difficult to relate when you’re a part time transvestite but I think you’ll be alright.

I spent a little over two years looking for you (the girl that is, you) When you finally arrived in the palm of my hands, I realized how suspect I am.

The tail end of winter 2016

The right one is here. Perhaps not in that moment, yet they are still here. She is still here. She was here in the beginning and she will be here in the end and the new start and the new finish, for all cycles eternally. Somewhere in the cosmic mash-up, we hit eachother and that cannot be undone, regardless of velocity or trajectory.

Black holes emit Hawking radiation. It is theorized that when something is swallowed by a black hole it is imprinted onto the event horizon where it remains regardless of all future events. Now it is theorized that information travels into soft particles and sent back into the universe.

I have had dreams where you were there, long before I met you, visions of us in the future. Stress, exhaustion and disbelief in myself has stopped whatever I was seeing to be known, either that or I reached the destined point I was looking for and everything from here on out is a blank slate or perhaps I’m just a little crazy and these things mean nothing.

I refuse to believe that, I accept that the world or people or individuals may not believe that. I accept that at any point I could be wrong and my life and your life and all lives may simply be a blip in a cosmic journey, that the universe may come to a halt, die and everything disappear. In a wider spectrum an entire set of universes may do the same thing. However, it could be a whole other way and regardless of our meandering questioning, the entire answer remains unknowable, unquantifiable, unreachable. I believe that it’s meant to be that way, at least to us. To human beings.

“Round.

Like a circle in a spiral.

Like a wheel within a wheel.

Never ending or beginning”

-Windmills of your mind by Alan Bergman and Marilyn Bergman

I will always remember the fiery girl, the lady of the hours and how she burns time, shifts it to an inner will. The very axis of change in an otherwise slowly ending dream. A reason to keep going when the end is in sight. Someone who made the end, not an end.

I find myself sitting here, next to her, nearly four years past it’s apparent sell by date. Or perhaps it was sold and kept and encouraged to grow.

An axiom.

 

 

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