Back in the front seat…

…..Of a Ford Fiesta from like 1998.

I’m leaving New York again, it seems perhaps, that I am always leaving New York, checking into the hotel always with the knowledge that my train is at 6:35. Keystone to Harrisburg, getting off at Lancaster.

The futility of my endeavours never cease to rear their warped smiles. Searching for an affordable used to lens store, knowing that it’s cheaper online, knowing that I have no money to spare, a pack of cigarettes knowing that I roll my own, smoking that one last cigarette on the steps of pen station knowing that I should quit altogether.

My baby is coming soon, my little boy will be in the world. My heart will have to make room for one more person. And it will and it will be second nature, and although my sights are set on camera equipment, freelance work on the weekend, a job adjacient to the medium I love, not having to leave New York again, the perquisite to all of this will be, can my son and my wife enjoy this life with me.

Somehow the extra burden brings me show, I get the sense that certain burdens come with a defined sense of meaning. Having a child doesn’t mean giving up on you, raising a child requires you to be you. More than ever.

I have a ton of footage to search through, or maybe just a ton of thoughts, to find clef and tone to worship within, a little Buddha in my viewfinder.

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